Why is it considered "polite" to ask people about themselves? And why do I struggle with that?

This page is a stub, created on 2020-07-17 (last updated on 2021-04-11). Its contents are notes on the issues and angles I want to address about this topic.

• different dispositions
  • asking
    • like to ask
    • dislike to ask
  • being asked
    • like to be asked
    • dislike to be asked
  • telling/volunteer
    • like to tell/volunteer
    • dislike to tell/volunteer
  • being told
    • like to be told
    • dislike to be told
  • different combinations work well together; others less so
  • why this is moralized (connection to cultural rejection of self-interest, glorification of humility, etc?)
  • responsibility of the other person
    • to speak up / articulate their needs/desires
    • assume positive intent and not jump to conclusions (eg, "He's just a self-centered asshole.")
    • self-regulation of emotions
• my own attitudes/dispositions (not my conscious convictions)
  • tend to be very excited about my own things ("in love with my own stories")
  • symmetrically, have a default subconscious expectation that others will share anything they're excited about
  • if others not excited enough to volunteer, implication that it's not worth my interest either
  • others' not volunteering landing subconsciously as implying that they're reserved or private and my not wanting to pry if that could cause them to be uncomfortable (because heck--they might not speak up about their discomfort in sharing, either, and then I'm the asshole who strongarmed them into sharing things)
• When consciously recognizing another's default disposition (eg, not liking to volunteer), I might explicitly ask about them, but then this feels phony, like I'm following a script because I'm supposed to, rather than because I'm genuinely interested (even if I am!).
  • related to banality of small talk?
  • related to my not being people-oriented and instead caring more about facts/ideas/things/tasks?